I simply heard that categorized paperwork have been discovered on the house of former Vice President Mike Pence. President Biden additionally shops categorized paperwork in his workplace and storage. The FBI wants a truck to haul categorized paperwork from former President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago house. Trump collected 300 categorized paperwork, 31 of which have been designated categorized, 54 categorized and 18 high secret.
Now I understand how they really feel. I solely have one confidential doc. Who knew a easy dialog with President George W. Bush may get me into hassle?
It began 20 years in the past after I obtained a name from President Bush, who was pushing laborious on his Mars mission. He puzzled what sort of crops may develop on Mars. I obtained a name from Bush who was advised I used to be an skilled in rising crops within the laborious rocky soil of Calaveras County. Sadly, I assumed it was my pal Chris who was enjoying a prank. I advised the president I used to be properly conscious of the areas the place crops may develop. “What space is that?” the president requested eagerly. “Twilight,” I stated, dropping the telephone.
After being briefly arrested by the FBI, I defined my predicament and advised them that Mars can not help any vegetation as a result of it has principally no ambiance – rocky or not. Why somebody despatched me a transcript of the dialog, I don’t know. The highest of the transcript has yellow tape with the phrases “CONFIDENTIAL” written on it. Nobody is silly sufficient to mail me a categorized doc. right? It needs to be Chris once more. I lower out the assortment markers, framed it, and hung it in my workplace as a gimmick.
Final month, I obtained a name from the FBI asking questions concerning the doc. right. 20 years later? No doubt, it was Chris once more. I advised him that I decrypted the file by chopping off the confidential mark. “Chris” advised me that does not make it uncategorized. I advised him that I deciphered it with my thoughts. Anyway, somebody despatched it to me, so it is mine. I personal it. I hung up, half hoping Chris would name again and giggle at me.
The subsequent day, the FBI raided my home. Armed males surrounded the home. I shortly eliminated the snap scissors and scabbard I at all times put on, pondering they could have mistook it for a gun. They smashed open the unlocked entrance door, threw me on the bottom, and handcuffed me. The agent took all my paperwork from the daycare, together with all my flyers, communications, and tax data. They emptied all information and cleaned my workplace. They even took my order for previous naked root fruit bushes and searched my spouse’s underwear drawer. Each my laptop and cell phone have been confiscated. Subsequent factor I knew, I used to be in a cell at Guantanamo Bay.
The issue is, they cannot discover the file. They searched the home. The pump shed was searched. Checked out each automotive. So, they launched me. Once I lastly obtained house, the file was hanging in an affordable Walmart image body, proper the place I left it on the wall. Makes me marvel how thorough the FBI is. What concerning the Nationwide Archives and the Intelligence Group? Cannot they maintain monitor of these items? Do ex-presidents Bush and Obama have categorized paperwork with them? Who is aware of what secrets and techniques Jimmy Carter has?
Perhaps the intelligence group categorizes an excessive amount of. The issue, stated former Republican chief Michael Steele, is that the federal government would classify ham sandwiches. Adam Schiff, the previous chairman of the Home Intelligence Committee, stated he could not consider any cause why anybody would take house any categorized paperwork. Not less than each Biden and Pence are cooperating with investigators. Will Merrick Garland need to appoint one other particular prosecutor to research Pence? May as properly exit and examine all the previous presidents and vice presidents.
Alternatively, it’s unlikely that Trump, Pence or Biden will pack all these categorized paperwork by the tip of their phrases. There could also be somebody to assist pack. I requested an FBI agent about it. In spite of everything, it looks like they need to be checking who’s packing. FBI brokers assured me that they had two long-serving White Home staffers with top-secret clearance to try this form of factor — Boris Badenov and Natashia Fatale Fatale).
Lastly, my coronary heart can relaxation straightforward realizing that our nation is protected and secure. Though the FBI agent went earlier than and stated I had a harmful creativeness. I am nonetheless unsure what he means. Perhaps I ought to lock the entrance door.
